hey all... hope you guys are doing great.. sadly things hasn't been going well for me recently. i guess thats how i feel right now too.. i kinda feeling disappointed and some sort of depressed or something. there has been many reasons that lead to how i am feeling right now. in camp, i feel kinda left out n being sort of a loner. being sort of scolded by ppl ard me, my peers and even my commanders. for just letting out my point of view or even suggestions also will get scolded. i asked myself if i had done or said something wrong, but isn't there a freedom of speech anymore? every now and then, thinking of going back camp makes me wanna cry or even just going AWOL , but i told myself not to do these stupid things just serve this 2 years of NS and not ever remember about it but i guess there are always a limit to some things. well i know these things are like minor problems. i thought to myself having problems in camp is ok and i still can have good times when i book out but things weren't what i thought it was. Because i also had problems when i'm out of camp too. i had personal problems as well. i cant exactly say wat is it about, maybe some of you guys know. maybe some of you guys dont. i wont want to say it out here. though some of you may seem to think i'm just a happy go lucky person or something like that. but i dont think so. i just feel that i have become a useless person who just wish to escape all this problem instead of face reality.but honestly i have became tired of everything already and i dont know how long i would last before i really break down. having to cope with problems in camp and out of camp is seriously very difficult, i cant find someone to talk to about all this problems at all and i dont wish to impose any trouble to anyone also. there were a few times i really did broke down and cried and having silly thoughts in my mind for the whole day. it seems like i haven't grown up at all after enlisting in ns for going to 6 months already and i still behave like a small kid. (disappointed in myself too) i seriously dont know wat to do at all. i really missed the past alot. really wished every would be fine now. well.. i'm off..

posted - 12:17 AM